Jane’s Be Well Tips
Staying healthy and well in body and spirit

1. Get out now and walk fifteen minutes. It will get your feet moving and help you feel you are at least able to do something.
2. Go immediately and be with someone who loves you. It will give you the feeling that you are wanted.
3. Religious? Say a prayer. Ask God to help you get through this.
4. Think of a situation, a place where you were very happy. Visualize yourself in that situation once more.
5. Power of suggestion can do wonders. Say to yourself, “I think I can get better. I have to take it step by step. I will work my way out of this.”
6. Go out and buy a plant, or some flowers. Having something living in your house makes you feel more alive.
7. If possible, get outside in the sunshine. If it’s not possible, turn on some bright lights. Sunshine and bright light are known to make people happier.

Continue reading “7 Things You Can Do Immediately To Ease Depression” »

While war and poor economic conditions begin to affect people all over the world, more and more people suffer with depression. The more we focus on news events and the business climate, the more we are depressed. Whatever the reason you feel is the cause of your depression, the following five simple tips guarantee you reduce it significantly.

1. Do not read newspapers

Newspapers publish negative stories most of the time. Even in peaceful periods, newspapers will find the worst in humanity and place negative stories on display in order to promote sales and subscribers. Stories focused on War, rebellion, death, destruction, doom and despair abound in the newspapers.

You will not miss any news. Friends, family, and your local air raid siren will keep you informed if your attention is needed. Only pay attention to the things you can control in your life.

Stop reading the newspaper and reduce the negative input to your brain.

2. Turn off your television

Watching and listening about the horrible economy and the losses associated with War will add to depression. In fact, you guarantee the feeling of helplessness. Helplessness allows depression to nurture. If you really need to watch or listen to these kinds of news stories, promise yourself you will bury yourself in the documentaries that are sure to follow in the next 5 or 10 years. A way you can eliminate most of the negative input to your brain is by setting it aside for a date somewhere in the future. I guarantee in the future, you will not find it very interesting.

When visitors come to your home, make sure you turn off your television and keep it off. News television broadcasters are fighting for your guests’ attention as they promote despair, war, death, and destruction with many headline news interruptions. Those little banners that run across the bottom of the screen achieve your attention and they take hold of your consciousness. Television will diminish your positive spirit.

3. Say good things about others

My Mother always says, “if you can’t say anything nice about others, don’t say anything at all.” However, when you find yourself in a conversation and a relative says, “Remember Uncle Phil?” ” He was an alcoholic” Respond with ” yes, Uncle Phil was an alcoholic and he was the most charitable person, I have ever met.”

Connect your friend’s negative statement about Phil with a positive one. Set yourself up to find the positive in anyone’s statement and you will keep negative thoughts and depression from overtaking your life.

Og Mandino, a great motivator once said, “treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight.” “Your life will never be the same again.”

4. Get physical exercise

Adults forget about exercise when suffering from depression. Make sure you are exercising daily and sending more oxygen to your brain cells. The result of exercise will improve your health as well as your attitude.

5. Breathe deep and relax

Practice the following breathing exercise to relax your body and mind.

Breathe deeply and relax. For 2 or 3 minutes each hour, take a short mental vacation.

You can engage in this exercise while you are standing in the checkout line at the supermarket or when listening to others while talking on a telephone. You can complete the exercise at home or at work.

Take three deep breathes and relax. As you inhale, concentrate on calm and peaceful thoughts. You may think about relaxing by a mountain, by the ocean or comfortably in your favorite room at home.

As you exhale, concentrate on pushing any tension out of your lungs.

Focus on positive images in your life. Focus on laughter, love, excitement, and hope.

Keep breathing in and out in this pattern until you feel better. If you practice the exercise often, you will notice wonderful changes in your outlook and in other aspects of your life.

Reduce your depression now! Enjoy your family, your friends, and your life.

Continue reading “5 Tips to Reduce Depression” »

One of the biggest challenges in trying to accomplish any personal goal is that we tend to put them off until tomorrow, or next week, in favor of more pressing matters at work and home.

Unfortunately, tomorrow never gets here.

If you want to accomplish a goal, you have to start on it today. Finding the time to take the steps necessary is the problem, of course, as we all lead busy and complicated lives, and when we do have time, we’re too tired to do anything that requires energy or thought. We want to veg out in front of the TV, or take a nap.

So how do you find the time for your personal goals?

How to do you honestly make the time? I’m not even sure where to begin with my own goals, as I already feel I have to sacrifice something important to take care of me. I would really love your opinion, as a father of 6 children, what activities were cut out of your daily life in order to insert your personal goals?

I’m not going to be able to give an easy answer. There isn’t a single little trick I can give you to find huge blocks of time where you can pursue all the goals you’ve ever dreamed of. It takes work, it takes commitment, it takes motivation … but it can be done, without a doubt. I’ve done it — despite being married with six kids, and until recently working two jobs, I found time to train for a marathon, to work on eliminating my debt, to eat healthier, to declutter and become organized, to wake earlier, and more.

How? Again, there was no one step that did it for me, but a series of them that add up over time:

1. One goal at a time. Often the problem is that we try to take on too many goals at once. We have a list of things we want to accomplish, spanning the spectrum from gardening to learning Italian to getting in shape. It can be overwhelming, and because of that we never start. Or instead, perhaps we start with a head full of steam, but then run out of steam quickly, because it’s extremely difficult to maintain focus and energy (the two key ingredients in accomplishing a goal) for too many goals at once. Even two goals at once is difficult, if you aren’t already running on autopilot for one of those goals. For now, focus on one goal at a time. Once that’s on autopilot, you can go to the next one. Figure on at least a month per goal.
2. Make sure you really want it. It’s not enough to say, “It would be nice to learn French” or “It would be cool to do yoga every morning”. It has to be something you really want. Ask yourself why you want to achieve this goal, and how much you want it. Figure out your motivations. That’s important to do early on, or you won’t make time for it.
3. Make it your top priority. We all have multiple things to focus on in our lives, from school or work to family to errands to various goals and commitments and hobbies and civic activities. If we put all these focuses before our One Goal, we won’t ever find the time for our goal. There’s only so much time in the day. At some point, we’ve got to prioritize, and if we make our goal our top priority,we’ll make the time.
4. Reduce your commitments. I’m a big fan of simplifying your life — and one of the first things you should do when simplifying is to make a short list of the 4-5 things that are most important to you, that you want to make time for, that you love and that bring you joy. I’ve said this before, but just to give you an example, my top things are spending time with my family, writing, reading, and running. Everything else is non-essential. Once you’ve made your short list, you should reduce some of the non-essential commitments. Is being a member of the Harley-Davidson club no longer bringing you joy and fulfillment? Gracefully bow out. If you reduce at least a few commitments, you’ll now have room in your life for the things you want to do — including your personal goal.
5. Keep it simple. It’s important not to make your personal goal too complicated. You don’t want to have a huge list of things to do in order to accomplish your goal. You’ll be overwhelmed. Instead, focus on a smaller sub-goal that will lead you to your bigger goal. If you have a goal to invest for retirement, for example, make your first goal simply to learn what you need to know about investing. Make your second goal to open the necessary account and transfer money. Then make it your goal to have regular, automatic contributions and not to touch those contributions. Another approach is to focus first on creating a habit that will get you to your goal. If your goal is getting in shape, for example, focus on forming the habit of walking each day (or running, or cycling, or whatever). Once you’ve formed that habit, focus on drinking only water. Then on eating fruits and veggies instead of junk snacks. And so on, until you’ve reached your goal.
6. Stay focused. One of the most difficult things when it comes to achieving goals is maintaining your focus on that goal. It’s easy to become obsessed with something else, and when we lose focus, we suddenly stop making time for the goal. Instead, find ways to maintain that focus. Put a poster on your wall, or a printout on your fridge, or make your goal your computer desktop picture. Send yourself daily reminders. Tell others about it, in real life and on your blog, and have them ask you about it daily.
7. Block off time. OK, this is a crucial step. Maybe it should be No. 1 on this list, but I felt it important to lay the foundation with the steps above first. But once you’ve laid that foundation, you absolutely must block off time to work on your goal. Whatever time works for you — first thing in the morning, lunchtime, mid-afternoon, right after work, late at night. Try to schedule a time when you won’t be interrupted by other “urgent” requests (meetings, calls, kids, etc.) and when you have good energy. For me, that’s in the morning, as mid-afternoons are times when other things come up to interrupt your schedule (especially when I worked in an office) and early evening (right after work for most people) I tend to get a bit tired. You have to find the right block of time. Designate no less than 30 minutes, although really an hour is much, much better. Two hours isn’t feasible for most people, but your schedule might be different.
8. Make it your most important appointment. That block of time you just scheduled has to be given the utmost priority. There are appointments we take seriously — a doctor’s appointment, or an important meeting — and we will do everything we can to ensure that we make those appointments and are not late for them. “Sorry, I have a doctor’s appointment at that time — can’t take the conference call until a couple hours later.” But when it comes to our time for working on our personal goal, we will often push it back because of other pressing things. Don’t let that happen. Make that block of time on your schedule become sacrosanct, and never let it be violated.
9. Show that you’re serious. Be fully committed. Tell as many people as possible about your goal, and the scheduled block of time that is sacrosanct. Write down your goal, and be specific. If you can’t even write it down, you’re not serious. Then write out a plan, with dates and actions. Think about obstacles, and write down your strategy for overcoming them. The plan shows you’re serious.
10. Find your time wasters. In every person’s life, there are things that can easily be cut out without making much of a difference. Things that waste our time without giving us much benefit. Things such as TV, video games, fun stuff online, going to bars, etc. If you can identify those time wasters, you can free up time for working on your goals. Remember, if it’s not on your short list (No. 4 above), you can eliminate it.
11. Make it a part of your daily or weekly routine. This is important to keep the goal going for a long period of time. If it’s a goal you can complete in a week, you don’t need to do this step. But the most worthwhile goals are ones that take time to accomplish, and for those, you’ll need to make it part of your routine. Some goals will need to be daily — say, drinking water, or exercise, or perhaps decluttering. Find a time in your daily routine where you will always do this activity, and don’t let yourself drop it. Put it immediately after something that’s already firmly ingrained in your routine — say, showering or brushing your teeth, or arriving at work — so that you won’t forget to do it. For other goal activities, a weekly schedule would be better — say, making a weekly savings deposit or debt payment, or a weekly yoga class — put this on your calendar and have a reminder sent to you so you don’t forget it.

This is a guest post from Leo at ZenHabits.net.

Continue reading “Find time to reach your personal goals” »

Whether it’s time to negotiate for a mortgage, a car or even insurance, preparation is the key to victory. When you know what you want and how you intend to get it, you’re much more likely to come out of the appointment smiling.

Let’s go through the different phases of a deal and prep for each one. Skipping one of these will most likely hurt your chances so don’t slack off on any of them.

Before the appointment…

• Know what you want. Sit down and work out exactly:
  • What you need and what want. Secure the needs first and negotiate with the wants (aka the extra stuff you can do without)
  • How much you can afford
  • How far you’re prepared to compromise on both (afford vs. spend)

If you’re looking at a long-term deal, look beyond the immediate price and make sure you can afford the payments without stretching your budget to its breaking-point.

• Find out what’s available. Do some research to find out how realistic your goals are versus what the market is offering. You probably weren’t expecting to find a mortgage rate at 1% or a luxury car for 50 pounds / dollars a month, but you should never assume that the price you are willing to pay is the floor for the market. You could still be surprised by the deals offered if you look hard enough.
• Re-evaluate your goals: If you had seriously underestimated the price, you may need to re-think. Ask yourself:
  • Do you want a cheaper car (house, TV, holiday, etc.)?
  • Can you afford to pay more? Where does this item fall on the need/want spectrum?
  • Should you wait until prices come down / you’ve saved up?

If you’d overestimated the price, you’re free to raise your expectations, lower your budget or (ideally) both.

• ‘Arm’ yourself. Knowledge is power, so make sure you understand:
  • Which professional bodies oversee the industry
  • The technical / legal terms involved
  • What costs the seller really amassed in order to offer you this product

  Find out if the product / industry has been in the news recently. This might tell you who to avoid, or if the industry’s about to go through some changes which could cost you time, money, emotional stress down the road.

• Ask around to see if anyone you know has done something similar recently. If not, see what case studies / testimonials you can find. Mouse Print, Consumerist, and other sites report on shady dealings out there so once again, do your homework!
• Select your supplier. Shop around. The bigger the deal you’re looking at, the more time you should invest: with a mortgage, for example, a tiny difference in the interest rate can save you thousands.It’s often a good idea to start with a company you’re currently doing business with. If you’re looking to refinance your mortgage, for example, talk to your current mortgage provider – if they don’t want to lose your business, they may offer you a good deal.
• Understand how the company works. Do they offer their own product(s) or are they simply reselling something? Do they work with a range of partners, or will they check the entire market for you? How do they decide which partner gets YOUR business? That is an absolute key question. If your business goes to the highest bidder, I’d steer clear.
• Arrange your appointment. This should give you some insight into how they do business. If they’re unprofessional, unhelpful, or hard to get hold of, maybe you should choose a different company. Remember, a company works it’s hardest when they’re trying to win you as a customer. If they are terrible at that, imagine how terrible the service will be once they get your money.

In the appointment…

• Remember who’s the customer. As a (potential) paying customer, you are entitled to the person’s time and expertise. Tell them what you want and let them explain your options. Have a calculator and notepad ready, and take the time to do whatever calculations you find necessary.
• Show what you know. Depending on the type of company you’re dealing with (and the amount of leeway the person has), showing that you ‘know your stuff’ could put you at a psychological advantage. So tell them what other deals you have been offered / seen advertised. Show them you understand the technical terms, and the pros and cons of the most common options.
• Admit what you don’t know. If you need something explained, ask.
• Don’t let them ‘blind you with science’. Any specialist can use technical terms to gloss over drawbacks – or to sell ‘benefits’ you don’t really want or need. Make them repeat themselves in layman’s terms, then take a good look at what they’ve just said.
• Give and take. Don’t be too inflexible.
  • Compromise – if you’re being offered a good deal, don’t turn it down because there’s one tiny thing missing.
  • Consider new ideas – just make sure you understand the pros and cons, and find out if you can ‘mix and match’ elements of various options.
• Don’t be rushed into anything. If you’re happy with the deal, get them to draw up the paperwork and tell them you’ll be back in a day or two.
  • At the very least, you should read the small print – and ‘sleep on it’.
  • If it’s complex / full of legal terms, you might consider taking it to an independent specialist.
  • Don’t feel pressured. You can always walk away from the deal. If you’re not impressed with their ‘final offer’, thank them for their time and say you need to look elsewhere. (If they offer you a better deal at this point, so much the better

After the appointment…

• The end? If you’ve found a product you’re happy with, great. If not, think about the appointment you’ve just had, make some notes and use the experience to prepare for an appointment with another company. If you have enough of these haggling sessions, you just may elicit a bidding war for your business.

So what do you think? Is this something you can do when it comes time to negotiate or are you going to take the first offer thrown your way?

Written by M. Taylor of Gregory Pennington, a UK based Debt Management Specialist.

Continue reading “15 Steps To Successful Negotiations” »

photo credit: machinecodeblue

Friday evening rush hour in Los Angeles is a bad scene. How is it in your area? Friday evening rush hour before a three-day weekend is the worst–stalls, stops, and frustration. We have a choice: rage or relax

On a recent Friday I was on the north side of Los Angeles and needed to get to the South Bay area. I waited until 7 p.m. to begin the journey, thinking the bulk of the traffic would have moved out by then. Most of the drive went smoothly, the 405 (Californians call their freeways, like Interstate 405, “the___) the 405 became a parking lot as it neared the Getty Center which looks down on the highway from a cliff high above. Cars stood shoulder to shoulder on the six-lane highway, crawling forward below a snail’s pace.

Luckily, I remembered an audiotape I’d pulled out of the trunk of the car earlier and popped it into the player. Instant change! Marches played by the London Philharmonic conjured up visions of pomp and ceremony. I turned the volume up. Suddenly my white Mercury Topaz became a gilded coach and the trumpets were clearing the way. From insignificance to importance in a single solid stanza.

It was amazing how the small opening in front of me became majestic–like it opened up just for me– with a black Jaguar on one side, a champagne-colored Mercedes on the other, a white pickup truck behind it, and so it went. Sure, we continued to inch along, but I relaxed as the music transformed my mood from extreme frustration to exuberance. The only things under my control in that sea of cars were my own thoughts and emotions.

What do you do to lift your spirits to a natural high? Do you have a ritual which brings you to a peaceful state of mind? How can you change your attitude in an instant from negative to positive? Perhaps meditating on a favorite quiet place or reflecting on a happy time would help. One of my favorites is a photograph of a field of Blue Bonnet flowers on a river bank. That picture provided an escape from extremely stressful times at my desk in the Pentagon. I could lose myself in it for a moment and gather strength to get back to work.

If we see ourselves as “done onto,” it’s easy to see ourselves as victims of circumstances. Highway gridlock in many large cities is becoming a way of life. Forget rage. Choose to be happy and take charge of our own attitude!

Continue reading “Road Rage Or Road Relax?” »

photo credit: Annie in Beziers

In the 34 years that I have been doing psychic counseling, it is only in the past 10 years that I have been involved with couples counseling. One thing I have noticed with many couples, whether those couples are a man and a woman, two women, or two men, is that there is often a lack of real and meaningful communication. This lack of communication causes small conflicts to become heated arguments where issues are not resolved because both partners are trying to make their points and are not even listening to what the other person has to say. Nothing can ever be resolved when one person raises his or her voice with what only appears to the other person to be demands. The effect of this is that the other person feels as if they are being scolded like a parent scolds a child and this causes the person to close up in a defensive posturing attitude where they don’t listen to what the other person is saying. This intensifies the problem because when the person who is relating the problem area in their life feels that they are being shut out, or ignored, by their partner there is no meaningful dialog which allows a resolution to be achieved. The only resolution to the problem is for one or both partners to bring the subject up again, which might only create the same result. Instead of being resolved this issue now smolders like a hot ember, and this can make for an emotional forest fire!

The way I try to resolve issues like this is to teach couples how to discuss issues instead of just yelling and having the entire situation turning into World War III. There are several steps couples can take to have a good, open, and loving discussion, and to reduce the friction in their relationship by learning to resolve the very important issues that cause them to misunderstand each others feelings.

One of the most effective steps I teach couples is to express their anger, fears, aggravations, and concerns to their partner. This allows them the freedom of opening up without the fear of confrontation. It is a very simple method, but has certain rules which must be followed.

One of the ways I teach couples to do this is to encourage them to write a journal to document the issues in their relationship which they feel are causing problems. Detail is very important here. They must also devote an hour of uninterrupted time each week for open discussion. This discussion has to occur on the same day, and at the same time, and becomes a weekly ritual for the couple. During this hour, each of the partners has 30 minutes to read from their journal. While each partner reads their journal, the other partner cannot interrupt, or make any comments. After this hour, I encourage each partner to spend some time alone, and to reflect upon what they have just heard. They must also remember not to have any discussion about what has just been said. However, they can add some of this new information into their journals for the following week’s discussion. This method is not a quick fix for a troubled relationship, but most couples are amazed that after several months they are now working together to resolve the problems in their relationship.

One of the most complex interactions we face in life is the relationship with our partners. There is often some initial spark which brings two people together, but for a relationship to thrive it requires communication, cooperation, and compromise. This is only one of the many techniques which can be used to help couple resolve issues, but by teaching couples how to effectively communicate, it helps to strengthen the foundations of their relationship.

George Ministeri is an internationally acclaimed psychic, and intuitive counselor with over 30 years experience. Visit his website at http://www.GeorgeMinisteri.com to discover more about who George Ministeri is and how his psychic readings have benefited his clients.

Continue reading “Arguments Loose Relationships” »